Running toward the pain is not easy

running-to-the-pain

Pain is inevitable. 

 

I once heard a quote ” God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” C.S. Lewis.

My first thought was how profound this quote is. How many times have I ignored those little soft whispers and especially the very loud shouts God uses to get our attention.

Growing up as a child, I had many times I felt pain but couldn’t describe it. Being left out of little girl games, being told I couldn’t be apart of a group and play hide-and-seek, and even being laughed at as I walked the halls of school because my outfit was less than.

What happens to the pain we feel as a child aging into adulthood if we don’t address it properly?  The pain starts building and building and become truths inside your mind. You start telling yourself that you are not worthy to feel better, look better, or be better. Your reflection and behavior starts to reveal how you feel inside and your best security of protection becomes being alone to avoid the hurt, or making friends but sheltering the real you from the world.

I was probably in my late 20’s when I started to deal with these emotions I kept deep inside of me. I felt no one cared and honestly felt a lot of the pain was my fault. Who is going to understand a grown woman having theses feelings of insecurity especially when she’s already a mother. (FYI- that has nothing to do with it).

Mothers are supposed to have it all together. Right! Ah, no. I believed when you become an adult, you should have most of everything figured out.

We don’t have all the answers

 

As a mom, I needed to have all the answers to why people hurt people, why do we feel pain, or why would a huge God allow for so much hurt in this world. But, the truth is that pain is part of the process of what you are going through. I believe that is the point where God has brought you so you can stop, listen, and truly dig into what he is whispering, or shouting, to you.

In my deepest hurts of being left out as a child, I felt I wasn’t good enough to play with my “friends” and why would they make me feel so bad if they really liked me?  Sometimes, we take this stance on how we view God. If God really likes me and loves me, why is he allowing me to hurt so much?

In a painful season do you find yourself running away from the pain? Do you shop more for items you normally wouldn’t buy? Do you find yourself covering up the pain by drinking, going out, engaging in behaviors that are not normally your character? Crying your eyes out day and night? How about needing all the attentions and eyes on you to help you feel more loved and wanted? I’ve done all of these.

I used to be what I would deem a ‘shopaholic.’ Every day after work I would go and buy myself something that I didn’t need, however it made me feel better. A shirt, a new pair of shoes, purse, watch…it didn’t matter. It was an addiction that was not good and I was using that to cover up my hurt. Most of the time, I wouldn’t even wear half of what I bought.

Then, it became going out and needing that high to be seen and heard. Bars were on the top of my list come the weekends. I felt better being around others who were probably doing the same thing I was doing. I was there to detach and bury those feeling of deep pain, so i didn’t have to deal with them. At least for the time being it made me feel better, but the next morning, those horrible feelings crept back in.

At this point, God was not in my life during most of these situations, so I worshiped others satisfactions more than I worshiped him. God was definitely shouting things to me, waving his hands in front of my face, and jumping up and down but I was too blind to see or hear the value of the situation. Until one day.

Salvation changed everything

 

I became saved about 20 years ago and ever since life as a christian has not been easy. When you become a christian life doesn’t instantaneously become easier. You don’t walk down a red carpet and have everything laid out in front of you with arrows pointing “this way.” You will have very real struggles, with pain, and trials and tribulations, and fear, and worry, and regret, and insecurities. But and this is a HUGE but, life is so much more satisfying with God as the center of my life. I no longer feed those other instant gratifying emotions.

I have chosen, yes chosen, to embrace the pain, as almost running toward it because I know through it and on the other side of it Jesus awaits with arms open wide. He has a reason he is taking me through whatever it is and I need to be still and allow God to work through me or in me because of it. Wishing it away could be wishing away a blessing.  God could be using your pain to bless someone else as well.

My struggles as a child and into adult hood, I gave to Jesus and told him to please fix me. I needed desperate help and I knew He was the only way I would recover. Thank God for never giving up on me.

Jesus is waiting with open arms for you too. If you are struggling today with pain and feel like its not letting up, I hope you would take some time to pray about it, trust, have faith, and let go. Pain is inevitable in life, but turn to the one and only comforter and healer. Jesus.

Heres a verse to encourage you.

” For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live.” Romans 8:13

Pray over this verse as you ask yourself these questions:

  1. Who do you turn to first in a painful situation?
  2. Are you allowing others opinions how you should deal with pain rule your life?
  3. Do you pray?
  4. Do you believe that God loves you?
  5. What painful situation are you dealing with today?

 You are loved,

Tyra

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