How you can be that friend others need.

The world is so full of things that keep us occupied, out of touch with reality, and fill our minds with distractions. The more technology we are exposed to it seems the less we feel connected. Which doesn’t really make sense.

In the past, I can remember calling a girlfriend up and asking her to meet for coffee or lunch. We would agree we could both squeeze in an hour and then head back to mommy duties. Do any of you remember meeting face to face with your besties, or maybe you do this now. I would try to check in with a few friends at least weekly, and vise versa.

For some reason, I have felt less connected these past few months and it seems we are having more and more piled on our plates. Which for a season, sometimes that happens. Writing a book, creating a journal, (on my list) volunteering at your kids school, cleaning out closets and getting ready for the summer. All thats cool, but when too much time passes, I begin to long that deep intimate connection with my girlfriends and call in desperation like “meet me now!” Of course we talk often on the phone but to me that’s not really the same.

So, how many of you are with me here? Its natural to crave connection. I am a hugger, so if we ever meet in person, get ready for me to hug your neck.

Here are three things I’ve found that can help you be THAT friend instead of always pitying yourself and saying “whats in it for me” or having that “how will this benefit me mentality.”

Be Intentional 

Intentionally call or text your favorite girls, not all the ones stored in your phone, of course, but the ones you think of when something exciting, special, or juicy happens. Those few who get you! Send them a hello, thinking of you, whatcha doing, have a great day, a scripture quote, a song to listen to for encouragement, a joke or something funny, or just an I love you. This makes the world of difference. I’ve been doing this as well as receiving these from others and I tell you they are usually on point with what I’m going through. Jesus knows. He will speak to us through a telegram if he has to.

Schedule it in

Schedule a time to meet monthly if you can. This way you can see each other face to face and really get a sense of how that person is feeling. Lets be honest, we are all great at hiding behind the phone and can easily be distracted with other things. You can also pray for each other, lend a shoulder to cry on, and always give a hug which, like I said, is a must. High fives are always in order as well. I believe this initiates and creates community, so invite new friends who long for connection as well. It doesn’t have to be long or expensive, but it must be in person, this is non-negotiable.

Remember the dates

Last, always remember anniversaries, birthdays of your friends and their families. By family, I mean their kids and husband if these apply. Send a card, a small gift can be left on their doorstep or dropped off at their job. Hand written cards are the best and most appreciated. (maybe this is just my opinion). These little things may seem little to you or I, but to that mother who is struggling with the children in the mornings and barely made it out of the house in time and now she’s late for work, it matters. The one who’s dealing with insecurity issues after having a child and trying to lose weight, wondering if her husband will love her the same, that will be so appreciated. The wife who is trying to find her place, when she’s married to a man who’s job requires him to travel and he’s always away from the home, leaving her feeling alone and desperate for attention from her husband, your thoughtfulness is so timely.

All of these I mentioned, I was once that woman. Its tough, lonely, desperation sets in, and you feel as though you can’t do this life. You want another life. It’s too much to handle, and you would trade it for a slice of easy.

If you’ve been there, you can relate. How encouraging would it be to hear from a friend who wants to meet for coffee, or receive a text during a major breakdown? Ladies, its so important to encourage each other through this process. We are not alone and Jesus designed all of us to build bridges not close doors. Love on others, share stories, shed tears with others and show compassion. Life is short and we can all make that other momma feel special by just being more intentional with a few moments of our time.

I encourage you to do this today. Stop what you are doing, think of a special friend, and send a text or call her. Invite, or just genuinely talk about life. As you start to receive these texts and calls as well, you will begin to see the impact a few words can make, at the right time.

Can’t wait to hear from you.

Love you sista, Tyra

You may also like


  1. Being intentional with my friends has been the best way to keep building the relationships. It was my word for last year so it was something I did without hesitation. Having it written in my goals also put momentum behind the action.
    Thanks for the post.

    1. Thanks Deneen for your reply. I agree about not only being intentional but writing it down which has especially helped me as well. Im so happy to hear that you found this post helpful.